Steph: I’m really worried about this…
Chaz: You’re going to do so well! Everybody’s been looking forward to it, why are you worried?
Steph: I don’t know. I always get a bit of stage fright even though I’ve been doing this for so long. *laughs*
Chaz: I can’t wait for you to make me laugh, Steph!
Steph: Thank you, Chaz! You’re the best! *laughs* I just hope they release Charley already so we can go through with it. I don’t want to do it without her here as it just wouldn’t feel right.
Chaz: Well, it’s Karen’s birthday until midnight so she should be out by then.
Steph: Yeah, she went there as soon as the HoH competition ended.
Chaz: I can’t wait to see what kind of costume they have planned for her this year! *laughs*
Steph: Right? Hannah’s costume was hilarious last year, hopefully they’ll do something even better this year!
Charley: I almost went, like, crazy in solitary! I mean, I tried to sleep on those, like, god-awful beds but they didn’t turn the stupid gnome off and he was, like, waking me up every half an hour! It was, like, pure torture!
All: Welcome back, Charley!
Charley: Thanks guys! *laughs* Damn, I need to, like, take a shower!
Charley: Oh, nice. Very nice. I’m supposed to wear this for a week?! Seriously?! What if it gets cold?
Producer’s voice: Then don’t go outside, Charley. Besides, it’s never cold in here. We’re in Starlight Shores, it’s one of the warmest cities in the country.
Charley: You guys are, like, a bunch of sadistic bastards! I can hear you trying to hold in your laughter! But I’ll wear this costume amazingly, out of spite, you’ll see!
Steph: Well, hello there! As all of you know, it’s Karen’s birthday today and we are gathered here for a special gift from me to her! Karen is a big fan of stand-up comedy, and I am a stand-up comedian so it’s only fitting I put on a small show for her tonight!
Steph: First of all, did any of you attend another stand-up comedy show before? If you did, please, clap your hands.
Caleb, Karen and Kyra: *clap*
Steph: Oh, that’s okay. There are a lot of virgins too then! *laughs* Well, the easiest way for me to explain this is… Stand-up comedy is like sex, I can be trying very hard and I can be giving it my all but if I don’t hear sounds of approval, I’m probably going to soft and the whole show is going to go to sh*t. And yes, stand-up comedy is completely uncensored, so you might hear words like d*ck and f*ck. Because all of us say them on a daily basis, it just wouldn’t make sense for me to censor it. It’s freedom of speech, after all!
Steph: First thing I’d like to talk with you about are… commercials! I mean, who makes those things happen? All of you must have at least seen one commercial which completely sucked! At least one! I mean, did you ever see a commercial for menstrual pads, for example?!
Steph: What is the point of those things? Seriously?! There is always this one girl jumping in the garden in a white dress all happy. That’s not how periods are, guys. And I’m sure that a guy makes those since no girl ever would make a commercial like that.
Steph: If a girl made a commercial about periods it would show off a pissed off woman crying in her room in sweatpants with a pillow in her pants while she’s also laughing at the brand new episode of her favorite show and she’s eating chocolate and strawberries. And chicken. And a bit more chocolate. Yeah.
All: *laugh and clap*
Steph: The thing that worried me the most when I was a teen was the fact they used blue liquid in the ads and not a red one. I thought there was something wrong with me! I went to my mum and I cried and I said – mum, there’s something wrong, we have to go to the hospital, I’m not bleeding blue! And she looked at me like I was freakin’ retarded, I still remember that look! It went like this!
Steph: Not to mention, what is the point of those ads anyway? It’s not like we don’t know about pads and tampons?! Just imagine a girl getting her first period and her first reaction is – gosh, I wonder what is happening… Oh, I’m bleeding, I wonder what should I do to stop this? Hmmm… A carpet? No, that doesn’t work. A door? No, not that either… A sheep? My brother?! Oh, I know – a freakin’ menstrual pad might do the thing!
All: *laugh and clap*
Steph: And what is the whole point of them having a design? It’s not like it matters if it has little flowers or fruit on them. It makes absolutely no difference! It’s not like I’m going to go like – *yells* no body! No way, no period this month, stop it! I haven’t bought the pads with the golden roses on them and I just can’t bleed if I’m not bleeding on golden roses!
All: *laugh and clap*
Karen: She kept making us laugh for at least an hour and I have to give credit where credit’s due, she is amazing! She one of the best female, no, not just female, she’s one of the best stand-up comedians I’ve ever seen and trust me, I’ve seen a few! This was such a great birthday present and I’m so happy I got to see her show! Her biggest asset are her acting skills which are amazing. She really acts it out for you. I loved how, for example, she jumped around like those silly girls in tampon commercials and how she really told a story with her show. I can’t wait to see her live again!
Caleb: This was even funnier than Charley and her costume! *laughs* She did talk a lot about female things which I didn’t find so funny, but her market and cashier joke or whatever it’s called was hilarious and it was definitely a highlight of her show! That young lady is a rising start, let me tell you that!
Robert: I know you’re close with Charley and she is the HoH this week, so I was wondering if you could make her put someone else up… Do you think it’s possible? I haven’t really talked with her so I don’t know where I stand, really.
Zach: Yeah, no problem.
Robert: Happy to hear that! I’m really happy that we went unnoticed for this long. No one suspects a thing!
Zach: Yeah, I know! It’s going perfectly. I just hope I’ll manage to convince her.
Robert: Do what you have to! *laughs*
Zach: What’s that supposed to mean?
Robert: You know, seduce her! *laughs*
Zach: Oh, shut it, you! *laughs* She’d never leave me alone then!
Charley: Welcome to the Nominations Ceremony. Every week the Head of Household has to, like, nominate two HouseGuests for eviction and for the first four weeks he or she also has to, like, suggest one other HouseGuest as, like, the twin. Let’s start things off with my twin suggestion…
Charley: It’s Kyra. There’s, like, not a lot of people to choose from and I just think that you might be, like, hiding something.
Kyra: It’s okay. I’m not, but, thanks for thinking of me, Charley! *laughs*
Charley: We’ll see that on Friday!
Charley: And now for my nominations… I’ve decided to nominate…
Charley: Caleb and Dane! I want a real player to win this game and you guys are just here, like, doing absolutely nothing and I, like, dislike it so much! Prove us you’re worthy of being here! You have as much personality as a rotten tomato, and I am so happy that I, the queen of, like, personality, will be the one who gets one of you out! *yells* Over and out, Charley is done with her speech! *laughs*
Kyra: Gosh, I don’t know what she tried to do with that speech. Is she really that insane? *laughs* I mean, it was very cringy. And instead of trying to make it look like it’s not such a big deal, she basically made two massive enemies. Only good thing is that I’m the twin suggestion which means I’m safe for another week since I am not the one playing this game with a twin. I just hope it’s Caleb and we get him out this week since if we don’t, his twin might come in the house. But to be fair, I think it’s neither of them, it has to be Zach. And Zach is safe. But also, there is still a Veto to be won, so nothing is set in stone yet!
Caleb: I honestly think people will continue to nominate me until the Finale. *laughs* Oh well, at least I get to play in those competitions because of it so it gives me something to do in this god damn awful house.
Dane: Nominated again? I need to start making some deals around this house as this is starting to get ridiculous. Maybe Robert was right?